“Well, you’re prettier than her.” “You can’t trust women, they will always stab you in the back.” “All women are nasty, caddy and evil.” “What do you think a woman’s going to be like, she was the cause of the original sin and manipulated Adam after all?” These were all things that I heard my mother speak repeatedly growing up. And there are many more, but these are the comments that stand out to me the most.
As you can imagine, this really stunted my ability to have healthy relationships with girls growing up. I always had a “best friend” but they usually didn’t mingle together. In fact, looking back, I deliberately manipulated small friend clusters so that I would always have someone and somewhere to go. This provided me comfort and safety, a salve on the abandonment issue still left by an absent father. By doing so I was assured that if this girl hurt me, I could go on to be with this best friend over here and so on.
It wasn’t until being in one of my first women’s circles, I was present to how much the sister wound exists in each one of us and the ways that I personally act out when it shows up. Women, including myself, were getting triggered and I was getting triggered by all the triggering. It was a crazy energetic weekend on top of the ability for sister wounding to rise up. On my drive home following the retreat, I set an intention that I needed support to heal this wounding around being with other women. How do I heal my own shit that keeps getting in the way of healthy relationships as well as healthy boundaries? I knew deep in my knowing that women’s circles were a part of my path but I had no idea how to hold the energetic space when women got triggered or how do I even prevent my own triggering?
And up until this point, I truly believed that this sisterhood wounding was really something that was experienced inside of ourselves. Our own insecurities. Until I heard myself one day giving “friend advice” to my innocent little daughter, “I’m not sure she really likes you, by the way she treats you.” Boom! The words just fell out faster than I could scoop them back into my mouth. The wounding seed was planted. I had just projected an entire lifetime of sisterhood wounding into my beautiful 5 year old daughter in one quick moment. How’s that for an awesome mom moment!
That’s when it happened. I realized that the Mother wound in many ways is just the Sister wound sneaking in the backdoor. When I became a Mother, it was amazing how much more aware of the conditioning and patterning I had and how in one moment I could either choose to pass this same ancestral pattern onto my daughter. The choice was mine to make in that one moment.
Sisterhood wounding is so prevalent amongst light workers. One of the most common ways I’ve experienced it and witnessed it in competition~ how many certificates can I display to show I’m very skilled at what I do? It’s the, “I’m a Reiki Master.” moment, as I belittle your mere Reiki I practitioner training. And on and on. This too in rooted in scarcity and the belief that if another sister offers her gifts that may be similar to mine, there’s not enough room or resources for us both to be ______ (insert safe, fed, secure, seen). In that moment, the triggered women will then look for the weakness….where can I get the foothold into who or what she is or does, so I can show up better, more spiritual, more enlightened, less in my ego, and on and on and on…..
I’ll never forget when a few years ago as I had begun leading Divine Feminine Awakening events, I was sharing with another healer in our community what I was up to and her response was, “You can’t do that!!! So and so does that!” Mouth open on the floor in shock. It was like saying, “You can’t be a massage therapist. Because so and so is a massage therapist!!” How ridiculous is that?! But I believe this is exactly how the sisterhood wound operates ~ on scarcity.
Years ago when patriarchy took over, women had to be pitted against one another in order to separate and establish control. As a woman’s power was stripped away, she began to experience such a scarcity within herself. No longer able to hold land, to work, etc. Her way of surviving was now entirely dependant on a man. Women began scrambling and pitted themselves against one another in competition to survive. This energy, this ancestral patterning has been passed down lineage to lineage to lineage. This is what lead my mother to say, “You can’t trust women. They’ll always stab you in the back.”
It’s fine edge that we dance upon, allowing ourselves to show up, be seen, and be in circle and in relationship with other women. But it’s also important for us to know when to gracefully “bow out” of a relationship that may no longer be serving us. The healthiest relationships I’ve experienced with women are with those who are also aware of the sister wound and are willing to do intentional work both internally and externally. With women who aren’t afraid to move past their comfort zone with other women, and say, “Hey. I totally acted out of triggering.” “I messed up.” or “I’m feeling triggered by x, y, or z.”
Because this wounding is so prevalent, I do believe we have opportunities presented to us everyday as to whether we choose to act or react from a “triggered” place with women or we become conscious of the trigger and then choose how we wish to respond in those situations. I believe the more we begin responding to ANY collective wounding in this way, we then allow ourselves and others to remain in our Sovereign embodied Goddess-self states.
Herein lies the power of women’s circles. An ancient technology that our ancestors tapped into, knowing that this is where we draw into our power source. Magic happens when women come together. Healing happens when women come together. Worlds are changed when women come together.
Circle is about coming together with other women and allowing ourselves to be seen and to be truly seen when our world is not perfect and we’re processing our shit. It’s about coming together with other women and truly seeing them..in their perfection and imperfection….allowing other women the space to show up with all they’ve got going on. Celebrating with them when it’s time to brag on themselves. Crying with them when it’s time to release the hurt and pain. Holding them up, reflecting their greatness, power and beauty back to them.