During a recent retreat with my Priestess sisters, I had my first experience with the loving plant medicine Cacao. I had no idea the power of this little plant ~ it’s health benefits and how much of a heart opener this sacred plant is.
Upon drinking the warm, creamy cacao, I felt a tender, gentle opening in heart that just continued to slowly heat my heart center and created this golden glow as the time passed in ceremony. I began to feel flushed in my cheeks and this warm rosy glow throughout my entire body. Bliss doesn’t even begin to describe how wonderfully loving, supported, and opened I felt.
Leading up to the day of the ceremony, I could feel a gentle energetic pull towards working with this sacred plant. I found myself buying 2 pounds before I left the retreat to continue working with it. I purchased a beautiful molinillo (wooden, carved tool) to assist me in recreating the loving ceremony for myself and possibly expanding with loved ones. What I didn’t expect was the ways cacao would continue to work with me after I arrived back home.
Each day I would take in a small piece or square of cacao during my meditation time and I found myself turning this into a sacred ritual or practice every morning. By the second week, I found myself singing light language into the chocolate intuitively feeling that I was in some way activating or invoking more of this sacred plant and her teachings. And my diet began to shift, in a huge way.
I stopped eating sugar with great ease and very little effort. I lost all taste for meat and dairy again. I found myself, feeling completely nourished and sustained on very minimal foods, eating simply, desiring more things that sustained my body in a balanced way. I had been deliberately detached from my eating and my body since losing my best friend and ex husband in 2013. Following this loss, I found myself returning to a disordered eating pattern in my life that both he and I had shared. I feel I was allowing myself to somehow feel close to him through eating this way and also trying to buffer myself from the pain and sadness. This was one of the first layers to fall away whilst working with Mama Cacao.
By the 3rd week, I was taken deep deep into my own shadowy place of my womb. Here I started seeing the ways I had been using food to blockade my heart, from receiving and from feeling. In our Priestess retreat, two different sisters delivered similar oracle messages to me asking me to become aware of my imbalance in giving of myself, giving of my heart. Look for the ways in which I had not been receiving. I knew this to be true in many of my relationships. I had traveled the journey of an empathic healer for many years, felt that I had come into balance with my boundaries and was no longer trying to “heal or fix” anyone nor did I allow anyone to take me into their drama, etc. Those boundaries were tightly sealed. However, what I wasn’t aware was how I had a completely loving, open heart center that was open to give but was very closed to receive. I had somehow made a story that I was in a loving open heart centred way through giving love. Mama Cacao showed me otherwise.
Deep into this healing of the womb, I began to experience a life review so to speak of all the romantic relationships I’ve had. And how, this disordered giving and receiving imbalance impacted how I showed up in these relationships, how I manipulated to get my needs met, and how I allowed myself to be abused. I saw a deeper connection between self love, receiving love, and abuse in such a profound way that could have only come through the wisdom of this beautiful plant. It was a wisdom way beyond anything I had ever tried to “mentally” construct. As each of these life reviews came I up, I experienced a magical healing and release. I could feel this warm, nurturing mothering healing space that allowed me the container to see, to heal, and to transform.
It’s going on 2 months working with the cacao now. I recently finished my first 11 day juice fast/cleanse and will be embarking on my first 30 day juice cleanse tomorrow, November 1st. This will be the first cleanse I’ve done since the passing of my late husband. I had finished my first and only 30 day juice fast 2 weeks prior to his unexpected passing. I’m ready now. Let more layers fall away. Allow more healing to take place. Thank you Mama Cacao for the abundance, the wisdom and the medicine.
*photo taken by me of sacred cacao ceremony facilitated by Angela de la Agua at the Priestess of the Dove retreat with Marguerite Rigoglioso.